How To Continue This Road? - May 20

Have been thinking quite a lot about this recently, especially during exam time. How will I actually continue this long and winding road? What am i gonna do after this? What kind of job I will do? How to make myself, at least, not being regretful 40 years from now?

Looking back at myself, there were many many things, that I wish I could have done, or , undone in the past. At that point of time, I wouldn't know how much I've missed, until it's all over, until I could only see from here, at the ending post. I don't wanna repeat the same mistake. The next post, will most probably decades from now, and by the time, everything is too late, too old to change.

It's been my dream to be in political field. From young, I've been influenced that way, indirectly being educated that way. History, epic stories and great legend had been my preoccupation, my past time. Could you imagine a six year old kid, walking into Speedy, asking for World War II documentary, rather than Thunder Cats or Transformer? I don't know how, it's just me..

As time goes by, experience in life has developed myself, getting me to know myself better. But, at the same time, confuses me ever more. On one hand, life tells me that one should go for your dreams, achieving ambition, becoming a great person. Leadership has taught me to be strong, critical and being audacious. Believing in yourself.

On the other hand, life teaches me how fragile it could be. We are living, just for simple reasons: food, family and fun. I've a junior, 2 years younger, already get married with a 7-month baby boy. While I'm busy with studies and assignments, she's been struggling to get a job. Money to support the family, raising the child. Nothing is more important than money for food. What about her dream? her ambition? Is that all? Is that everything? Is that the answer for the mystery of life? Is that what all we have?

As I was answering survey by GradMalaysia regarding opinions on future employers and companies, there was a real clutch deep in my heart. I was so unsure, so uncertain, not about answering the questions, but to the real reflection of how insecure I am to my confidence, dream and life, once breaking myself away to this long and winding road.